Retail, bite me!!
As a high-school graduate who is not currently attending any college courses, it’s pretty difficult to find a job that’s not in retail. The turnover is so high, and you always question as to why this is so, until you actually work there. My most recent experience in retail is a perfect example as to why retail is always losing people.
After moving here after a ridiculous breakup, I decided that I should probably make use of myself and get a job. I applied at this little book/video/music store that had a huge, obnoxious sign out front boasting, “NOW HIRING” in desperate letters, as if begging the public to please work there. Not even two days later, I had a phone interview and was scheduled for my second, in person. I got dolled up to impress and was sat down with a man I shall call Jose (mainly because that’s his name, but also because it’s nicer than any of the expletives I could use to describe him.) who then grilled me about myself.
My most annoying question was, “If you were sitting in my chair, hiring people, what characteristics would you want in someone?” This is a catch-22, because if you describe yourself, you’re conceited, but if you describe something you aren’t, then you’re obviously not fit for the job. Ughh. So I made the best of the situation. I listed things that were very vague, including a good sense of humor. “Would you say you’re funny, Kirstin?” he asked me sarcastically. “Ummmmm….” I was at a loss. Funny? In a bitchy way, yeah..So I saved that and said, “Well, I know people laugh AT me a lot, especially when I’m not trying to be funny, but if they’re having fun then that’s all that I care about.” Whew. I saved it.
So I got the job and after a couple short training sessions, I was an official employee.
I should mention that we also rented videos out, and there were SIX WAYS to open the rental videos. Not one, not even four, but SIX ways. When you’re a noobie there, the customers always roll their eyes until they look at your nametag, which in bold, size 34374892 font, exclaims “IN TRAINING”, and then they sigh with understanding. You’re a nublet. They even whisper to their significant others, “Oh, be patient, she’s in training.” I’M NOT DEAF YA OLD BAT. TAKE YOUR X-RATED GAY PORT AND GTFO.
On my first day, a man purchasing several pornographic movies had the NERVE to ask me if there was a cash register in the back. Fuck if I know. But I told him no. I almost told him that if he was SO humiliated by buying porn, he should do like everybody else who’s normal and download it on the internet. At least that way he doesn’t have to show his face–or his tainted right hand. But I smiled, handed him his double-bagged porn, and continued to work. I don’t care what anybody says, we ALL judge you when you buy something we disagree with.
I even judge on non-dirty items. For instance, this woman asked me where to find the book, “What’s so great about Christianity?” I wanted to say, “WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT GOING TO HELL?” but I pointed her in the direction of her blasphemous book and kept smiling.
Let me say now, that this job drove me to drink. I came in to work drunk/hungover twice, and both times flew through the day with ease, while a bit nauseous. Am I ashamed? Hell no, it just goes to prove that it required absolutely no brains to work there. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I began my job search. Chili’s seemed promising, but after a call to my retail job and a bad reference, I received no call back. That’s IT, I told myself. I’m not even putting them DOWN anymore as a reference. And so I haven’t.
I was helping a deaf woman one day at my register, who seemed to have a bit of a problem. We were writing notes back and forth to better understand each other, because she couldn’t speak, either. My light was OFF at my register (and for some reason, stupid-ass customers seem to always think that means WELCOME! I’M OPEN!) and a woman walked up. “Um, are you like open or WHAT?” She asked rudely. “No, ma’am, I’m not, but the next register is. She’ll be glad to help you over there.” I continued helping the deaf woman and the rude one couldn’t stop. “Do you have the time?” “Hmm, no, I don’t, but there’s a clock in front of my register up there.” I offered. “I didn’t ask if there was a CLOCK, I asked if you had the time.” She huffed. WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? I wanted to scream. I just smiled politely, pointed again at the clock, and continued helping my customer. “Ugh, I thought you weren’t OPEN!” she cried. “I’m not, I’m sorry. My light is off.”
Well, I guess this whole exchange was too much because I got written up for refusing to tell the customer what time it was. I tried to explain but Jose said, “Sorry Kirstin, you seem like you would be rude like that.”
So I quit. I got the flu and my mom called in and told them I wouldn’t be there, and they said they were writing me up anyway because I wasn’t who called and that I didn’t find someone to cover my shift. It was my final allowed write-up, so it was quit without showing up ever again, or get fired. I quit.
And now, every time I go back with friends, I make sure I look DAMN good so they don’t think that their ridiculous little feud with me has had any effect on my life. 
And this is why retail is losing people. Because the managers are assholes, and because old people think they are entitled to special treatment because they have lived. Oooh wow.
But I’ll rant about that next time.
<3
